I found some resistance in writing about the boat works lately. I felt completely submerged that it was impossible to contemplate the whole picture. In fact, there was no whole picture but consecutive blocks of problems to be solved, and everytime it seemed that a new block of problems was adding, in a perpetual tetris puzzle. I was a prisoner of my own restoration plan, incapable to see progress. I was just putting the head down and work, pushing the rock ahead.
This was also a constant source of conflict between me and Kate. She is more of a rational planner, I am a non-linear intuitive doer. She likes to plan, execute, terminate and evaluate a task. I jump from task to task and keep things on hold. It was hard to pull together with such different attitudes, but eventually we worked through our differences, or at least we learned to tolerate them.
Shame is also part of the process and realizing that you are involved in a project that uses time, materials and labour inefficiently it’s not exactly an invigorating massage for the ego. I stopped writing about the advances because I failed in recognize them. But progress was happening in a mysterious way.
Before I embarked on this project I scanned the literature about boat restoration. Among others This old boat by Don Casey was illuminating and also fun to read. I applied the author’s planning method on the paper and I tried to follow it. The reality mixed everything up. We made mistakes, hold over, went backwards, fought, made peace. Following the plan was the most difficult part as well as evaluating the progress. I gradually sunk in a “just keep pushing” modality while I was finding everyday new obstacles.
August and the first part of September summoned the demons that others evocated when we started this journey:
Statistics – 90% of people who buy an old boat with the goal of fixing it up and going sailing on it FAIL!
Dream – every man has a dream that won’t work
Fatigue– it’s a lot harder to do than you think it is
Bankruptcy– You’d need the funds to tide you over for at LEAST a year without working.
Now after some unpredictable turns the whole picture came back and it’s even scarier. It may be possible to have the mast on an the electric engine wired and back to work by the end of next week. And then it’s all about putting the pieces together on deck, hoping that the sails are arriving on time and finishing a couple of painting projects. Then what?
Then the demons of leaking thru-hulls, faulty installations and unespected quirks around the corner will show up, gathered by a sort of fear of the fear amplified by the discomfort of the approaching cold winter. While the clouds of the final act are massing on the horizon there will be time to hum this annoying but truthful chorus:
“Keep pushin, keep pushin, well even if you think your strength is gone
Keep pushin on”
REO Speedwagon – Keep Pushin’