Month: May 2020

Disentanglement

Disentanglement

Every Tuesday I connect with the kind and fun bunch of Rebel Writers. They meet face to face in a secret location in Hong Kong and write. I used to take part in those meetings face-to-face while I was living there. Now I can only connect from afar but I still enjoy to participate. In the end when you become a Rebel Writer, you will be one for the rest of your life.

So every Tuesday I get up on my boat check in with them and start my writing as well. This weekly appointment is what gets me writing no matter what, despite the fact that I am running against the clock to get in the water and get going. Having this sacred, personal moment of messing about with words has a healthy effect on my mind.

During last meeting we decided to video call for a little catch up. Also the daughter of one of the Rebels was present so I thought it was a good idea to give them a tour of my boat. I realized how messy my boat really was as soon as this idea left my brain, it converted in vibrating air captured by my microphone and was sent all the way to Hong Kong. All I could do was to justify myself adding that I am tearing apart close to 30% of the total internal space of the boat and that I was living in a construction site. Which of course is true and normal these days.

Despite the clarification I felt a rush of shame pervading my body and I tried pathetically to limit the visual of messiness through camerawork, with little success. Not even a square foot of the boat was tidy. I consider myself lucky I don’t suffer from the paralyzing, debilitating type of shame that would shut you down and make you stutter and say stupid things. I still held face and walked them through my messy yet very interesting boat.

The sensation of shame continued after the video call as my eyes were contemplating the explosion of boat parts and tools around me. I have been in this condition for a couple of months now, but even if I am used to my mess sometimes it exceeds my own tolerance.

The previous day I worked on my water tank in the v-berth, then rushed onto the boat to prepare the dough and toppings for our Monday pizza night at the boatyard, then worked a little more while the dough was raising, to again rush and pick everything up and carry it to the breezeway on the other end of the boatyard. When I came back it was dark already and with a full belly and first signs of a carb crash I went quickly to bed. The next morning I woke up to the mess of cooking and working and everything else.

In this particular phase of working there is no place onboard that stays the same. Things keep moving and shuffle around from one surface to the other. This happens even if the majority of my belonging are stuffed under the boat in the squatter camp, a sprawling of boat parts and materials that allows for great boatwork and creations and that also has a post-apocalyptic aesthetic, so appropriate during current times.

I am fortunate I got to be in a very private corner of the boatyard so my mess is hidden. Tranquility is parked stern to the edge of the property, against a fence with climbing vines and tall trees. My port windows face the North River and I can observe the marsh and boats at anchor from where I sit at my table. My only neighbor in a radius of 80ft (25 meters ) is Bill, who is a long time friend, solo sailor, inventor and “connazionale” (he is American and he also holds an Italian passport). He tolerates my mess and contributes with his own, although I have to say I am undefeated to this day.

For a coincidence of life I am right under the tree where four years ago Beta was spotted the last time before he decided to take a two week vacation from the boat. This tree dumps leaves, branches and staining berries onto my deck and used to block the sun from reaching my solar panel, but I still love it. It harbors a quantity of animals and insects that are my companions during my work days.

The boatyard is encased in maritime forest and it opens on a winding river that leads all the way to the Atlantic Ocean, separating Georgia from Florida. Its magical powers are beyond comprehension and the enchanted forest attracts a community of boaters that end up taking residence in the boatyard.

This special corner in this special county of this special state which is part of this special country is where I prepare my farewell. The Americas, North and South, have been particularly welcoming to me.

The people I met during my travels invited me in their lives with generosity and a sane curiosity for a man with a weird accent. They were able to make me feel important, even when I came empty handed. Here I met new fathers and mothers and brothers and sisters, teachers and peers.

From all the encounters I learned that we have one blood if we are willing to meet eye to eye and heart to heart. I received way more than I gave, and per the rule of life, whatever is left in the account I will pay it forward, wherever I may roam.

It is hard to detach from people that were so friendly and generous to me. I made this vow to follow the tides of life, those bigger than myself forces that right now are pushing me away from this land. I am also sure that the people who love me would be disappointed if I retreated from this call.

I thought it would be easier to leave, just pack the boat and go. But I am not just crossing an ocean for the sake of adventure. I am realigning and dealing with with this surge of mess around me, this puke of threads, stories, connections I need to transform, purge, celebrate and disentangle from. I went deep into this territory, now I am climbing up from the hole I digged, carrying my treasure.

The Ocean is calling, and the Ocean always punish messy people. Even if my mind tolerates mess it comes a moment when clutter becomes a real obstacle, and that moment is when you are underway and your entire world starts moving up and down and back and forth and left and right. A messy boat underway is a recipe for disaster. Curbing my mess is my main job now.

As the tendrils of the spiral of chaos agitate in this magic forest things start to fall into place, messages are exchanged, clarity is achieved. The unnapetizing concoction made out of who I was and who I will be is brewing. As the agents of change are doing their metabolic work I try to keep things under check, put away stuff and tidy up. It looks like a Sysyphean effort, but there is no way around it and the reward is immense.

As Robert Frost put it, “the only certain freedom is in departure”.

Keep Swimming, Keep Rowing, Keep Sailing

Keep Swimming, Keep Rowing, Keep Sailing

Building the hard dodger for Tranquility is a project made possible by a chain of events that stretches several months in the past. A key element to this transformation was the dinghy, also knows as auxiliary boat or tender.

Tranquility in Fairhaven MA

Looking at this older picture of Tranquility you can notice that the plastic Walker Bay dinghy sat on top of the companionway, in a very secure spot, but making it impossible to protect the cockpit and companionway, and forcing the crew to duck considerably to get in and out. On small boats like the Columbia 29 the stowage of dinghies is not a trivial matter, as the auxiliary boat is an indispensable tool on any cruising vessel and the space on deck is limited.

The 8 feet long Walker Bay is a dependable and solid dinghy, and I grew accustomed to its carrying capacity and good rowing abilities. I was not ready to renounce such luxury. The solution to this problem appeared to be a nesting dinghy, an auxiliary boat that is comprised of two parts that can be nested one inside the other, reducing its length when stowed. It was basically impossible to find a nesting dinghy where I was on the Atlantic Coast of Panama. Building one became the only option.

I built that boat out of fiberglass and nida-core panels while in a secluded marina surrounded by jungle, a project that took a lot of time, money and energy, but that unlocked the possibility to both have a decent size dinghy (8 feet in length) and a future dodger. As I was building it from scratch I decided to make it also a sailing dinghy, putting together pieces that people almost spontaneously donated.

I have never shared the details of the building in this blog and I will not do it now. Those months spent in the Panamanian jungle coincide with a very difficult time for me.

As many key moments in one’s personal life those times are colored by often extremes emotional tones that progress on their own course. Kate and I were finding more and more difficult to work as a team in life and the dinghy project became for me both a refuge and a statement of identity.

What I will do instead is telling a story that came from that time. It does not describe technically the building process nor the chronology of the events, but it gives an idea of the motives and the discoveries that happened inside and around me while building a small boat.


THIS IS THE STORY OF ARCTIC TERN

Arctic Tern is a little boat.

She was born near Nombre de Dios in Panama, under a roof between two containers, surrounded by a 15 meter mast and assorted junk coming from boats in advance state of abandon.

Kind souls donated the elements that put together gave her wings: A fiberglass tube that a Spanish Explorer had no use for, a beautiful sail with the emblem of a horse offered by an Argentinian Sailing Teacher, a dagger board forged by a Polish Engineer in the sultry womb of a steel ship, a weird looking rudder from the nautical collection of an Australian Firefighter.

Giving birth to Arctic Tern was a lot of suffering and pain. It of course cost a lot of money to buy the materials, a lot of sweat in transporting them, and to put them together.

Arctic Tern was also the last nail in the coffin of a failing relationship. She gave her creator spiritual and physical wounds, broken hands and even a chemical burn in one eye from a drop of resin. Many tools broke and clothes were destroyed in the process.

But it was also fun. In those long weeks that stretched into months the creator was busy overcoming design and construction problems, in endless discussions with curious standbyers, crossing all the boundaries from feeling hopeless and stupid to be elated and proud.

When Arctic Tern was born she was ugly.

It is better said she was not symmetrical and she was on the heavy side, definitely sturdy.

Ogni scarrafo’ è bello a mamma soia” say people from Naples. Every cockroach looks beautiful to its mom.

She was immediately loved. Not just by the creator who built her from stem-to-stern, but from the neighbors who saw the long process unfolding, both the enthusiasts and the naysayers.

It was a fool’s idea, with no logic whatsoever and it could not be stopped. The mothership Tranquility was ready to let go of Walker Bay, the reliable companion of many landing and explorations, and she welcomed the weird looking boat made of two halves.

The launch was a long awaited moment.

When Arctic Tern touched the water she started flying. She is very good at it.

The creator sat in her lap and he was very afraid of going out in anything blowing stronger than a mild breeze, doubting the abilities of his creature and his own’s as sailor.

Arctic Tern was born ready.

Her flat belly dances on the surface of the ocean. She almost takes off when her two wings start to act in harmony in a lively wind.

The big one opens catching the breath of the sky, the small one points down in the deep ocean gripping invisible streams.

The two wings balance each other and so the dance is possible.

The creator took Arctic Tern out for more and more dances, sitting in her lap while she was doing what boats do.

Through Arctic Tern the creator is learning to fly, and when he is with her out In the ocean, the real teachers come to see them.

Ospreys, terns, pelicans, the graceful gliding vultures. The masters of Air.

They look down to watch Arctic Tern and the creator progress.

They show them how to dance in the currents, how to float about.

They are always vigilant as they glide undisturbed.

The creator down below feels very nervous, scared of the big waves, afraid of breaking a bone or a wing of Artic Tern.

They see each other and a feeling of communion is established. They are the same even if they fly for different purposes.

They are all part of the Great Dance, a dance that follows different rhythms and that contains them all.

THE GREAT DANCE

The creator of Arctic Tern learned that in those very moments on the surface of the ocean by the rocky headland all the freedom lanes become one.

How simple it was just to be out there doing their part!

He understood that we share the dance with everybody even those who try to be small and invisible, and that everything, even his sturdy little vessel and not just himself, is temporary.

It doesn’t matter if you are on a tiny sailboat on the surface of the ocean, a petrel swooping on the crest of a wave or if you are a bluefin tuna just below it.

You are just doing your part, so why worry?

It was then that he felt bizarre thoughts invading his head, as if they were coming from the outside. He felt a question brewing.

What if the Mighty Tuna comes and swallows us all? The Slim Sardine asked in the Creator’s mind.

After few second of perplexity he welcomed this alien consciousness as a guest.

What Can you do about it? Not a whole lot, Slim Sardine. Yes, you can swim away from the Mighty Tuna mouth and look for shelter in tube-like swirling spirals, with family and friends, in your community of sardines.

But when the The Mighty Tuna is coming for you… What you can really do Slim Sardine is keep swimming, keep rowing, keep sailing.

You’re doing it good or doing it bad, but you’re doing it, as long as you won’t stop dancing.

Be a little patient and keep swimming. keep rowing, keep sailing.

It is as simple as that.

The same is true for me, thought the Creator. My hands will hurt, my eyes will be dry and red, my buttocks will be sore and sun and dry air will crack my lips and tangle my hair.

And when the storm comes I might drown. What can I do about it?

Keep swimming keep rowing, keep sailing.

The creator’s eyes turned wet by the upwelling of emotions. Salty jewels from the body poured back into the ocean.

The Heron taught him how to be patient, that good positioning and one precise strike is worth much more than a lot of fussing around. He heard the Heron’s thought merging with his own’s.

He felt this idea was beautiful and true, so he decided to address the Mighty Tuna itself…

Do you Mighty Tuna worry about the little sardines you’re swallowing whole? You follow your hunger Mighty Tuna.

But look behind your back, the Savage Shark may be coming soon for you. So what you can really do is to keep swimming, keep rowing, keep sailing.

After all, even if the shark may never find you, nothing’s going to change you are still going to disappear. Maybe you’re good. Maybe you swim fast because you are mighty. But if you’re in the wrong place then you get swallowed.

You may think you have to leave the dance floor because there are more important or more urgent things do. Serious business.

You are running and you are doing a good job, and maybe you are so good that the shark is going to miss you, and you’re not going to bite the hook. You know better than that. You’re faster than the spear. You’re the best. Nothing can touch you.

You are just fooling yourself Mighty Tuna, you’re going to end up digested by something. Microbes, bacterias, mushrooms, something is going to chew you to bits.

And even when you are the Savage Shark you are not safe. Maybe you will bite a hook on a fishing line. Maybe it’s the Killer Whale. Maybe it’s a disease, or some plastic in your guts. It doesn’t matter.

Swimming, rowing, sailing… you skim the surface and participate in the Big Dance.

Everybody’s dancing. Birds in the sky, people holding cocktails, monkeys in the jungle.

So again Mighty Tuna, Savage Shark or Slim Sardine. It doesn’t matter what you do or what you think.

Keep swimming.

Keep rowing.

Keep sailing, and keep dancing.

Escaping death just for one day wont’ grant you a special treatment. Just do what you want. Somebody is going to swallow you and there are no medicines, Science can’t stop that.

Nothing can cure you from the disease, because there is no disease.

There’s enough beauty in a single note of the music and in each single step of the Great Dance to keep you raptured forever. Every day is a gift, and for every bad day you can be happy that you don’t have to live it again.

Keep swimming, and stretch your wings

Keep rowing, and learn

Keep sailing and dance with me.

The music keeps playing. You want change. Everybody is still dancing and you can decide to do whatever you like because this is not going to affect the dance, it keeps going with or without you

You can be in the dance or out of the dance.

It doesn’t matter what you do, all you have left is to keep swimming, keep (G)rowing, keep sailing.

The Slim Sardine, the Mighty Tuna and the Savage Shark said goodbye to Arctic Tern and the creator and swayed back into the Great Dance.

The creator realized he just lectured a bunch of fishes and a heron, who could care less about the lecture as she was catching dinner. For some reason it didn’t feel as strange as it sounds.

The creator eased the line that controlled Arctic Tern’s air wing to catch the following breeze while he raised the water wing. He felt the acceleration radiating through her solid belly as they bounced on the surface of the ocean.

He understood that the logics he told himself and others behind that building endeavor were nothing but wishy washy rationales encircling a deeper motivation. He acted and then needed to justify his actions.

He was doing his thing, taking part in the Great Dance.

Keep swimming, keep rowing, keep sailing.

The Loom of Heaven

The Loom of Heaven

Some 10 years ago I moved from a life where I was transforming reality with the use of my mind and language to one where this transformation mostly comes from the use of my hands. Today I don’t see any difference in using these two apparently separate tools as ways to learn and mess with reality.

Sailing taught me that the coordination between hands and mind is a learning tool that can greatly improve my health and knowledge of the world around me.

This is the reason why I decided to write about materials, fabrication techniques and night dreams all in one post. I hope I won’t create too much confusion in the reader by putting together so many things, but for me it is a way to synthesize what is happening around me in this very moment.

Lately I busied myself working with a particular material: Fiberglass. I am building a hard dodger, a structure that goes on top of the companionway to protect the entrance of the boat and the cockpit from spray coming from the bow and from rain.

There is another common and definitely more evocative term to describe this structure: The sprayhood, a space sheltered from the fury of the ocean or from its deceitful and odd slaps. Sprayhoods or dodgers commonly seen on sailboats are made out of canvas draped around a metal piping structure that can be lowered and raised according to need.

The “hard dodger”

The hardness in the name of the one I am concocting comes from the construction method I am adopting which will bring to a permanent sturdy structure. The construction method is called glass-fiber reinforced polymer sandwich, or more commonly GRP (Glass Reinforced Plastic).

There will be a post about my new hard dodger with its design and building challenges once it is fully complete, here I want to go somewhere else.

Fiberglass contains the word glass, but it’s not exactly what we usually refer to with said word. What is glass anyway? 

According to Wikipedia it is a transparent amorphous solid based on the chemical compound silica (a.k.a. quartz, a.k.a. sand). Fiberglass is actually formed by glass strands randomly flattened into a sheet or woven together into a fabric cloth. The weaving technique decides the weight and the direction of the fibers, both important factors in defining the stiffness and other properties of what we want to create. Glass-Reinforced Plastic is composite material which come from the marriage of a fiberglass cloth and oil based resin (polyester, vinylester or epoxy) that curing over the fabric forms a plastic matrix that constrains the fibers in the set direction. 

Fiberglass Double bias +/- 45 degrees stitch
Fiberglass “twill weave”

Almost everything man made is a composite of fiber and matrix. Reinforced concrete is the marriage of cement and a steel armature and even papier-mâché is the union of glue and paper.

I have been practicing working with fiberglass since I started living on boats. The very first project I was involved with was tabbing the wooden bulkhead of a head (the boat’s bathroom) on a large sailing boat. The wood had rotted at its encounter with the bilge due to water leaking from the shower pan. Tabbing means to join two surfaces meeting in a sort of perpendicular way with one or more strips of fiberglass and resin forming a permanent bond between the two surfaces. At that time I was working under the supervision of Pedro the boatyard carpenter who was working on different projects on the 51footer and thought I could handle such a simple task. 

That small and simple project opened my eyes to the uses and possibilities offered by fiberglass. Since then I fixed cracked keels, permanently closed thru hulls holes,  fabricated slant gutters to drain cockpit lockers doors up to building a sailing nesting dinghy of my own design an this hard dodger now. 

I appreciate the strenght that this material offers, its light weight and its resilience and the fact that you can create objects of almost any shape. I especially adore its impermeability to water, because I live on top of it and I prefer when water stays outside.

Other than fabricating with fiberglass and preparing for an ocean journey I have been busy hosting Online Social Dreaming events for the past three weeks, connecting with brave and generous participants from different countries in the world. I speak more about Social Dreaming in my website Psychology of Sailing, if you want to learn more about it. Here I will offer a very brief description of this technique for the purposes of this post.

The so called Social Dreaming Matrix is a space where participants safely share night dreams, as well as free associations emerging from dreams. They tell dreams, listen to dreams, look for images that connect them borrowing from cultural symbols and artifacts and from everyday life experience, letting their imagination run free, in the tradition of free association introduced by Sigmund Freud. If something reminds me of something else, no matter how weird or out of context, it means that there is a connection worth exploring.

In this context dreams tell nothing about the dreamer, they become instead a common story that circulates in the room, as if the dreamer was only a vehicle that deposits the dream in this imaginary space called the Matrix.

After the first fase the gathering comes back for a discussion about the content emerged and attempts hypothesis about possible connections with their own life and with society. Making sense of dream images allows the grounding to a more conscious cognitive level.

 What do dreams and fiberglass have in common? They are both ways of transforming reality, which in a way it is a learning and growth process.

Imagine that your brain (or mind if you prefer) is constantly working on processing sensory information, solving problems and making new neural pathways.

Assume for a second that we are awash in an ever flowing river of information (cognitive, emotional, sensory) from the environment and of internal use (control and sensory feedback circuits).

Some of those signals will be received and decoded by higher hierarchic systems, some others will be missed because we don’t have the correct hardware to receive them, we are out of tune and or our bandwidth is full. An even smaller percentage of what we receive will reach the consciousness while the greater part is processed on a subsconscious level, because it is economically convenient, we don’t have the software to process it, and or it is so frightening or paralyzing that it would interfere with our basic day-to-day survival routine. 

Fantasize again with me that all this rich information is finally processed by our mind, when it is convenient, which is basically when we sleep and our mind has the time and metabolic energy to run this complex calculations. In other words, when we are not busy directing and analyzing our own flow of thoughts.

Due to some not yet fully understood neurochemical patterns and brainwave organization we spend on average two hours every night running these simulations which is a particular way of learning from experience. Now consider that, if we only count human dreams, there are some 7 billion minds busy dreaming every night. What we do with this immense learning activity? 

In the past dreams were regarded as important ways to make decision, in many cases were thought to be the voice of gods, or accepted as a way to make decisions for the social good as in many indigenous cultures. In our current society, as science has not yet fully understood dreams, they are often considered a weird happening not worth much pondering.

However not too long ago a guy named Gordon Lawrence from England devised the peculiar technique of Social Dreaming to explore dreams and put them to the service of a collective who shared the interest. This technique steers clear from the use of dream interpretations and other theory-driven approaches to dream analysi, and it looks at dreams as they are.

During the matrix participants spin the threads coming from dreams and observe knots that describe patterns. In the reflection time this preparatory work on the threads is then assembled into a fabric that hopefully would make sense, having a certain grade of “solidity” to our own critical thinking, exactly like a rug or fiberglass.  In this Social Dreaming becomes a practice, a practice in paying attention to the signals that emerge from our unconscious mind and in connecting them with signals coming from other people’s night activity. Interpretation and the personal histories of the participants are interference when we look at the pure signal coming from dreams, the cognitive data generated during our state of maximum relaxation.

The structure of the Matrix we are living in could be described by the properties of the fabric we weave during the day and during the night and how we assemble this thread into a stable pattern. What we want to create, exactly like a fiberglass project or a Persian rug, depends on the design and on the desires of the people reunited to work together. The technology of Social Dreaming  is a discussion where the opinion and ideas of the others are assembled in a bigger picture using the threads that come from a high level learning process that is common to all human being, the dream world. The practice of social dreaming train us to use dream threads to weave patterns of reality.

All those metaphors comes from a symbolic persistent connection between life and weaving. Ancient Greek and Romans venerated the Fates (Parcae in Latin – Moirai in Greek), three old women who controlled the fate of human beings and were on a higher hierarchical level even than gods. They were depicted as weavers and their activity on the spinning wheel decided life and death of humans and regulated what we call fortune.

The verb fabricate also belong to the textile world to put together diverse parts to create something bigger. 

What is reality if not the fabric that is constantly spun by the action of the universe? 

Everything can be seen as a pattern of connections, from the infinitely small like atoms and molecules bound together to the infinitely big structures of outer space. As Homo sapiens we have immense power in creating reality (up to a limit), yet we depend on the elements made available to us by the action of higher level transformations. 

I enjoy transforming reality. The hard dodger briefly described earlier was nothing but an idea developed from imagination and it is now a solid reality that changed the profile of my boat. Transforming reality  happens in many different ways, from designing and making a new structure for my boat to comfort a friend that has lost  a parent and cannot touch her body, to pet and play with the cat that come to visit me now and then, to organize Sociale Dreaming events..

I enjoy messing with dreams. Learning how to use the threads that come from night dreams is an enriching activity that is helping me fabricating new thoughts for myself and for whom I am in connection with.

What is reality if not a shared dream?

Let’s Dream Together…

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